If you and your partner are considering going to couples therapy, couples counseling, relationship therapy, premarital counseling, or marriage counseling, CONGRATULATIONS! You are taking a big step in a committed and healthy relationship. Going to therapy is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of hope and courage. Navigating through difficult conversations and working towards resolution can be really tough, but that’s where couples therapy comes in. Here are 7 tips to make the most of your therapy sessions:

1. Communicate Your Goals

Before you head into your first session, it's important to take some time to effectively communicate your goals for couples therapy with your partner.

Why It's Important

One of the main reasons why it's so important is that it will help you get more out of couples therapy. When you and your partner are on the same page about what you hope to achieve through couples therapy, you'll be able to work together more effectively towards those goals. Additionally, setting specific goals will help you measure whether or not your couples therapist is actually working for you and your relationship.

How To Set Goals

There are a few different ways that you can go about setting goals for couples therapy. First, try to come up with 1-2 overarching goals for what you hope to achieve through therapy. These could be something like:

• Communicating more effectively, and

• Resolving conflict in a healthier way

Once you have your overarching goals, start breaking them down into smaller, more manageable goals. For example, if your goal is to communicate more effectively, a smaller goal could be something like "taking turns speaking in conversations."

Remember, it's important to be as specific as possible when setting goals. Vague goals like "improve communication" are much less likely to lead to tangible results than specific goals like "take turns speaking in conversations."

Starting couples therapy is a big step, but it can be an immensely beneficial way to improve your relationship. Before heading into your first session, take some time to sit down with your partner and discuss your specific goals for couples therapy. Doing so will help you make the most out of couples therapy and measure whether or not it's truly helping you achieve your objectives.

2. Be Emotionally Present

Couples therapy is a process that can help repair, improve, and strengthen your relationship with your partner. And in order to make the most of your counseling sessions, it's important to be emotionally present. This means being open and honest about your feelings, experiences, and thoughts. And it also means being respectful and attentive to your partner's emotions, experiences, and thoughts.

Being emotionally present can be difficult, especially if you're feeling overwhelmed, hurt, or frustrated. However, couples counseling can only be successful if both partners are committed to being emotionally present. If you're not sure how to be emotionally present in your therapy sessions, here are a few tips:

Talk Openly And Honestly About Your Feelings

One of the most important things you can do in couples counseling is to talk openly and honestly about your feelings and emotions. This includes discussing both the positive and negative aspects of both of your relationships - your therapeutic relationship with your therapist and your romantic relationship with your partner. It's important to be respectful of your partner's feelings, but it's also important to be honest about your own feelings. Honesty is essential for helping you both understand each other's perspectives and needs.

Listen Attentively To Your Partner

In order to be emotionally present in your therapy sessions, it's important to deeply listen to what your partner is saying. This means giving them your full attention and trying to understand their perspective. It's also important to resist the urge to interrupt or offer solutions. Just listening can be helpful for both of you in understanding each other's needs better.

Communicate Respectfully

Couples therapy is not the time to attack or blame your partner. It's important to communicate respectfully, even if you disagree with each other. This means using "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, saying "I feel disrespected when you raise your voice at me" is more respectful than saying "You're always yelling at me." Respectful communication will help reduce tension in the sessions and allow you both to focus on finding solutions.

Couples counseling can be a helpful way to improve your relationship with your partner. In order for it to be successful, however, it's important that both partners are emotionally present in the session. This means being open and honest about your feelings, experiences, and thoughts. It also means listening attentively to what your partner has to say and communicating respectfully.

3. Take Breaks As Needed

Going to therapy sessions and talking about your problems can be emotionally draining - especially during emotionally focused therapy sessions. That's why it's important to take breaks during and outside of your therapy sessions. Here's why:

Breaks Help You Process What You've Talked About

In couples therapy, you and your partner are going to be talking about some heavy stuff - deeply distressing feelings, relationship issues, life transitions, and life challenges that might be causing distress in your relationship. And that's OK! It's actually really good for you to get everything out in the open. But all of that emotion can be overwhelming, and it's important to give yourself time to process what you've talked about before moving on to the next topic.

Breaks Give You Time To Reflect On What's Been Said

It's one thing to hear your partner say something in the moment, but it's another thing altogether to have time to really think about what they've said. When you take a break during or after a therapy session, you're giving yourself time to reflect on what was said and how you feel about it. This can be incredibly helpful in coming up with solutions to your problems.

Breaks Allow You To Reset Mentally And Emotionally

If an argument starts getting heated, it might be a good idea to take a break so that everyone can calm down and reset mentally and emotionally. This way, when you come back to the discussion, you'll be able to approach it with a clear head and an open heart.

Taking breaks during and outside of therapy sessions is important for a number of reasons. It allows you to process the information discussed, reflect on what was said, and reset mentally and emotionally - all of which are crucial for making progress in your relationship. So if you're feeling overwhelmed during or after a session, don't hesitate to take a break!

4. Follow Up On Homework Assignments

After each therapy session, you and your partner will be given homework assignments designed to help you practice the tools and skills you learned in session. It can be easy to let these assignments fall by the wayside, but following up on them is key to seeing results from therapy. Here's why:

It Allows You To Put Into Practice What You're Learning In Couples Counseling

One of the best ways to learn something is by actually doing it. When you're in couples counseling, you'll likely be learning new skills and tools to communicate with your partner more effectively. But if you don't practice using these tools outside of couples counseling, it can be difficult to remember to use them when you're in the moment and dealing with strong emotions.

Doing the homework assignments given to you by your licensed mental health counselor can help you get better at using these tools so that when conflict does arise, you'll be more likely to default to the healthy coping mechanisms that you've learned.

It Allows Your Couples Therapist To See How You're Doing Between Sessions

Couples therapists can't be with you 24/7 (wouldn't that be nice?!), so checking in with them about how things are going between sessions is really important. If you're struggling with something or if something came up that you want to talk about in your next session, following up on homework is a great way to bring it up.

And on the flip side, if things are going well and you're making progress on the goals that you've set for yourself as a couple, letting your couples therapist know about that progress is important too! It helps them know that the work you're doing in therapy is actually making a difference.

It Shows That You're Invested In The Therapeutic Process

When couples come into therapy, they're usually doing so because they want things to change and get better - they want their relationship to improve - they want healthy relationships! But in order for change to happen, both partners need to be equally committed to doing the work required to make those changes.

If one partner isn't doing their part (whether that means coming to every session or doing their homework), it sends the message that they aren't as invested in the therapeutic process as their partner is. And when one partner isn't committed, it makes it much harder for change to occur.

Following up on homework assignments may seem like a hassle, but it's actually an essential part of couples counseling success. The skills and tools you learn in therapy won't do any good if you don't practice them, so make sure to put in the work outside of sessions as well. If you're struggling to follow through with your homework, talk to your couples therapist about it at your next session. They can offer additional support and accountability so that you can make the most of your time in couples therapy.

5. Be Open To Change

Couples therapy can be a great way to improve your relationship. It can help you and your partner communicate better, resolve conflict, and deepen your connection. But in order to get the most out of it, it's important to be open to change. If you're not willing to change, couples therapy won't be very successful. Be open to trying new things and new ways of doing things. Here's why:

Change Can Help You Understand Yourself And Your Partner Better

Oftentimes, we get so caught up in our everyday lives that we don't take the time to stop and reflect on our behavior. We may not even realize why we do certain things or behave in certain ways. But when you're in therapy, you're given the opportunity to step back and examine your thoughts and actions more closely. This can help you gain a greater understanding of yourself and your partner. In turn, this understanding can help you resolve conflicts more effectively and create a deeper connection with your partner.

Change Can Help You Break Patterns Of Negative Behavior

If you find yourself getting into the same arguments with your partner over and over again, chances are there's a negative pattern of behavior that needs to be addressed. Maybe you tend to shut down when you're feeling overwhelmed or defensive. Or maybe you're quick to criticize your partner instead of trying to empathize with them. Whatever the case may be, couples counseling can help you break these negative patterns and replace them with more productive ones.

Change Can Lead To Growth In Your Relationship

Just like individuals grow and change over time, so do relationships. When you're open to change in couples counseling, you're opening yourself up to the possibility of growth in your relationship. Maybe you'll discover new things about yourself or your partner that will make you appreciate each other even more. Or maybe you'll learn new skills that will help you feel confident, communicate better, and resolve conflict more effectively. Whatever the case may be, change can lead to a healthier, happier relationship overall.

It's important to keep an open mind and be willing to change. Change can be difficult, but it's necessary for growth - both as individuals and as a couple. With that said, change doesn't have to happen overnight; small steps in the right direction can lead to big changes down the road.

6. Be Patient

It can be tough admitting that things aren't going well in your relationship. After all, you and your partner have been through a lot together. You have shared laughter and tears, triumphs and defeats. But now, things just don't seem to be the same. The spark is gone. The communication has broken down. And you're not even sure if continuing couples therapy is worth the time, effort, and patience required.

Therapy takes time, effort, and patience. This is especially true for couples therapy. Don't expect miracles overnight. It's important that you and your partner understand that being patient can lead to a stronger and healthier relationship.

Patience Is A Virtue For A Reason

Patience allows us to persevere through difficult times and emerge stronger on the other side. This is as true for relationships as it is for individual people. When you're going through tough times as a couple, it can be tempting to give up and walk away. However, if you're willing to be patient and put in the work, you can come out of couples therapy with a stronger, healthier relationship than ever before.

Couples Therapy Requires Both Parties To Be Invested In The Process

That means being honest with each other about what's not working in the relationship and being open to making changes. It's not easy to do either of those things, but it's necessary if you want to make progress. Trust is another important ingredient in successful couples therapy. You and your partner need to trust each other enough to be vulnerable with each other and share your deepest thoughts and feelings.

All Of This Takes Time

Time that some couples simply don't have. However, if you can find the time to commit to couples therapy, even if it's just once every other week, it can make all the difference in the world. Remember, progress is often made slowly but surely in healthy relationships - not all at once like we see in movies or television shows. So don't give up on your relationship just yet if things aren't progressing as quickly as you'd like - be patient instead and watch your relationship blossom into something even better than before.

Know that couples counseling is a collaborative process that requires time, effort, and patience from both parties involved. But if you're willing to put in the work, it can lead to a stronger, healthier relationship than ever before. Trust is important in any relationship, but especially so in couples therapy. Be honest with each other about what isn't working and allow yourselves to be vulnerable with each other - it'll be worth it in the end. Progress is often made slowly but surely - not all at once - so don't give up if things aren't moving as quickly as you'd like them to. Have patience instead and watch your relationship blossom into something beautiful.

7. Go The Extra Mile

Couples therapy is a great way to work through the issues in your relationship. However, if you really want to take your relationship to the next level, you need to go above and beyond what couples therapy sessions alone can offer. In order to have a truly strong relationship, you need to be continuously learning about how to communicate effectively, how to compromise, and how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way. Here are some concrete ways you can do that:

Do Research

One way to go above and beyond couples therapy is to do your own research on ways to strengthen your relationship. This could involve reading articles on the subject, watching YouTube videos, or even taking online courses. When you take the time to learn about effective communication strategies, conflict resolution techniques, and other topics related to healthy relationships, you'll be better equipped to deal with whatever challenges come up in your own relationship. Not only will this help you in your current relationship, but it will also benefit any future relationships you may have.

Read Books Together

Another way to go beyond couples therapy is to read books about healthy relationships together. This is a great way to start open and honest conversations about the topics covered in the book. It can also provide a safe space for you and your partner to share your own thoughts and experiences related to the book's content. Reading books about relationships is a great way to learn more about yourself and your partner, as well as gain insight and a better understanding of what it takes to have a healthy and happy relationship.

Listen To Podcasts

Podcasts are another excellent resource for learning about healthy relationships. There are a wide variety of podcasts out there that discuss all sorts of topics related to love and relationships. You and your partner can listen to these podcasts together and discuss what you've learned afterwards. Listening to podcasts is a great way to bond with your partner while also gaining valuable insights into what it takes to have a strong relationship.

Couples therapy is definitely a step in the right direction if you're wanting to improve your relationship. However, if you really want to take things up a notch, consider going above and beyond couples therapy by doing additional research, reading books together, or listening to podcasts about relationships. These extra steps will help you gain valuable knowledge that will benefit both your current and future relationships.

Conclusion

Couples therapy can be daunting, but it doesn’t have to be! By coming into each session with an open mind and willingness to work hard, you and your partner can make progress towards a healthier relationship dynamic. Creating lasting change takes time, so be patient with yourselves and each other as you navigate this new journey together.

Con Carino Therapy - Couples Therapy Seattle, WA

The licensed marriage and family therapists at Con Carino Therapy (couple therapy private practice in Seattle, WA) have a special focus on working with couples that feel their relationships lack trust and intimacy.

If you want to build a stronger foundation of trust and intimacy, we're committed to helping you make that a reality. We will meet you where you are with compassion, kindness, and curiosity, and we will also present perspectives that will challenge you and stretch you. This is an opportunity for growth, and we'd love to be part of your journey!

Final Note

Our marriage counselors and marriage and family therapist associate (LMFTA) in Washington state also offer couples counseling services, online therapy, individual therapy, family therapy, and group therapy to young adults and adult individuals. We look forward to hearing from you soon.