If you and your partner are experiencing some challenges in your relationship – such as difficulties navigating big life transitions together or struggling to effectively communicate or connect with each other – seeking couples therapy sooner rather than later can help to build a stronger foundation for your relationship.

At its core, couples therapy creates healthy relationships, while helping you work through deeply distressing feelings, life challenges, relationship crisis, and conflict.

Therapy provides a safe space for couples to explore their feelings and experiences honestly and openly. The therapeutic relationship between partners and the couples therapist can help to uncover any hidden issues that may be causing distress in the relationship. In addition, couples therapy can provide couples with the tools they need to effectively communicate with each other, as well as resolve conflicts in a healthy way.

However, seeking couples therapy is a vulnerable human experience. You are trusting a stranger with some of the most personal parts of your life in hopes that they can help you grow, improve, and strengthen your relationship. It is so important to find a couples therapist who you connect with and feel comfortable sharing openly with.

Choosing a couples therapist is a very personal decision. There are many things to consider when making this choice such as: Should we each seek individual therapy or couples therapy? Do we want a male or female therapist? What are their credentials? Do they have experience with my particular concern? Is their office close to our home or work?

Below I will provide some tips on how to find a great couples therapist in Seattle, WA.

1. Get Referrals From Friends Or Family

Asking for recommendations - whether it’s for a new restaurant to try, or a great book to read - can be super helpful. And when it comes to finding a couples therapist, getting a referral from a friend or family member who’s been to couples therapy themselves can be a great way to find someone you click with.

If you’re not sure how to start the conversation about finding a couples therapist with your friends and family, here are some tips:

Conduct A Self-Interview

When it comes to finding the right couples therapist, conducting a self-interview is the first step. By taking some time to reflect on what you're looking for and what you expect from therapy, you can better assess whether a particular therapist is a good fit for you and your partner.

Therapy is a big commitment – both financially and emotionally. You want to make sure you're choosing a therapist who has the skills and approach that will best meet your needs. So ask yourself:

• Why am I seeking couples therapy?

• What do I hope to gain from it?

• What do I expect from a couples therapist?

• What specific relationship issues do I want to work on?

• What do I want to change in my relationship?

If you have a good sense of what you want, it will be easier to find a couples therapist in Seattle, WA that specializes in what you want.

Explain Your Reasons For Wanting To Go To Couples Therapy

It can feel vulnerable to tell people that you and your partner are struggling but reminding yourself that you’re not alone in this can help. Many couples face challenges in their relationship at some point - and seeking out professional help is a strength, not a weakness.

Your friends and family want what’s best for you, so letting them know why you’re interested in couples therapy - and what you hope to gain from it - will give them a better idea of what kind of couples therapist you should be looking for.

Referrals from friends or family are often more reliable than online reviews, which can be biased or fake. When you get a referral from someone you know and trust, you feel confident that they've had real-life experience with the couples therapist and would recommend them to others.

Consider The Different Options

Having an idea of what type of couples therapist you’d like to see will make it easier for your friends and family members to refer you to someone they know, like, and trust. Perhaps you're looking for a couples therapist, a couples counselor, a premarital counselor, or even a marriage counselor.

Couples Therapist vs. Couples Counselor

You might be wondering if you should see a couples therapist or a couples counselor. Both therapists and counselors can provide valuable insight and guidance, but there are some key differences between the two roles. Here's a look at the main distinctions between a couples therapist and a couples counselor:

Credentials

A therapist is required to have a master's degree or doctorate in psychology, counseling, or a related field, while there is no formal educational requirement for counselors.

Focus

A therapist focuses on helping you understand your thoughts and emotions and how they affect your behavior. A counselor focuses on helping you find practical solutions to your problems.

Cost

Therapists tend to charge more than counselors because they have more years of education and training. That said, some counselors may charge more depending on their experience level.

If you're unsure whether you need a licensed couples therapist or a licensed mental health counselor, it might be helpful to consider what you hope to achieve from couples therapy.

If you're looking for someone to help you understand your thoughts and emotions and how they influence your behavior, then a couples therapist may be a good fit. If you're mostly interested in finding practical solutions to your relationship problems, then a couples counselor might be right for you.

2. Research Therapist Directories And Professional Organizations

Therapist directories and professional organizations are a great way to get started in your search for a qualified couples therapist in Seattle, WA. Here are some of the reasons why:

• You can learn about each therapist’s qualifications, approach to therapy, and areas of expertise.

• You can find contact information for the therapist, so you can reach out and schedule a consultation.

• You can find out if the therapist takes your insurance or offers sliding scale.

• You can narrow down your search to couples therapists who practice in Seattle, WA.

Therapist Directories

Here are my top 3 recommendations:

• Psychology Today

• Good Therapy

• Find A Therapist

Professional Organizations

Here are my top 3 recommendations:

• AASECT - American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists

• SSTAR - Society for Sex Therapy & Research

• AAMFT - American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy

Once you have a few names, read their websites and see if their philosophies align with what you are looking for in couples therapy. This is also where you can find out what kind of credentials they hold as well as the specific types of approaches they use such as the Gottman Method Couples Therapy or Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).

The Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is an evidence-based approach to couples therapy that aims to help couples strengthen their relationships. It was developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, who have been studying marriages for over 40 years. The Gottman Method is based on their research, which has shown that the success of a relationship depends on the couple's ability to manage conflict effectively.

The Gottman Method emphasizes the importance of respect, friendship, and intimacy in a relationship. It also teaches couples how to manage conflict in a constructive way. Couples who use the Gottman Method learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflict, and create a shared vision for their relationship.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

One of the most important concepts in Gottman-based practices is the idea of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse." This refers to four negative communication patterns that can predict divorce: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt.

1. Criticism is when you attack your partner's character instead of their behavior. For example, "You're so lazy!" is a criticism, whereas "I noticed you didn't take the trash out this morning" is not. Criticism is destructive because it erodes trust and goodwill in a relationship.

2. Defensiveness is when you respond to your partner's criticisms with excuses or blame. For example, "I didn't take out the trash because you left it by the front door!" Defensiveness escalates conflict because it communicates that you're not willing to take responsibility for your own actions.

3. Stonewalling is when you withdraw from an argument altogether by becoming emotionally distant or shutting down completely. This can be frustrating for your partner because it feels like you're not even trying to work through the problem.

4. Contempt is when you communicate superiority or disrespect toward your partner. This can manifest as name-calling ("You're such an idiot!"), eye-rolling, sarcasm, or body language that communicates disgust (like turning away from your partner). Contempt is especially harmful because it erodes love and respect in a relationship.

If you find yourself frequently engaging in any of these four communication patterns, then the Gottman Method may be right for you.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is a type of therapy that has been shown to be particularly effective for couples. Here's what you should know about EFT, including how it can help improve your relationship.

What is EFT?

EFT is a therapeutic approach that focuses on helping people understand, gain insight, and regulate their emotions. The goal of EFT is to foster greater intimacy and connection in relationships. EFT therapists use different techniques to help people learn about their emotions and how they affect their relationships. One common technique used in EFT is called "tracking." Tracking involves helping people identify their emotions and then examine how those emotions influence their thoughts, behaviors, and interactions with others.

Why is EFT effective?

EFT is based on the idea that our emotions play a central role in our lives and relationships. When we better understand our emotions, we can more effectively manage them. This can lead to improved communication and deeper connection with others. Additionally, research has shown that EFT is an effective treatment for reducing conflict in relationships and improving relationship satisfaction.

How does EFT work?

EFT typically involves meeting with a therapist once every week or every other week for 50-minute sessions. The number of sessions required will vary depending on the needs of the couple. During therapy sessions, couples will work together to identify negative patterns in their relationship and explore the emotions underlying those patterns. Couples will also learn new skills for managing conflict and communicating effectively with one another.

If you're having difficulty connecting with your partner or managing negative emotions, emotionally focused therapy may be right for you. This type of therapy has been shown to be particularly effective for couples. It can help improve effective communication, foster deeper connections, and reduce conflict in relationships.

Both EFT and the Gottman Method can be highly effective in helping couples to strengthen their relationships. If you are considering couples therapy, it is worth investigating both of these approaches to see which one may be right for you and your partner.

3. Schedule An Initial Consultation

Once you have decided on a few therapists (we recommend 3 - 5), call their offices and schedule an initial consultation. This meeting is usually free of charge and gives you an opportunity to meet the couples therapist - or couples counselor - and get a feel for whether or not you would like to continue meeting with them long-term.

Be sure to ask any questions you may have about the therapy process or the therapist’s qualifications during this meeting. Some questions you may want to ask include:

• What is your expertise?

• What is your approach to therapy?

• What are your qualifications?

• Are you licensed?

• What kind of training have you had?

• How long have you been working with couples?

• What are we going to work on mainly based on our situation?

• How often will we need to come for sessions?

• How long will our sessions be?

• What are your rates?

• Do you take insurance?

• Are you part of any insurance panels?

• What are your availability and scheduling policies?

• What if we need to cancel or reschedule an appointment?

Asking these questions will help you get a better sense of what kind of help you can expect from therapy and whether or not it's right for you.  Plus, it will give you a sense of the diversity and the approach of how couples therapists work differently.

4. Make A Decision

When it comes to choosing the right couples therapist in Seattle, WA, it can be a daunting task. After meeting with each of the therapists, you should have a good idea of who would be the best fit for you and your partner long-term. But how do you make a final decision?

First, consider how comfortable you felt during the initial consultation. If you didn't feel at ease with the couples therapist, it's likely not the right fit. Next, think about if their philosophies aligned with yours. If you're looking for a couples therapist who is more geared towards traditional therapy practices, and your potential couples therapist is more into cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), it may not be a good match. Finally, look at their overall qualifications. This includes their education, years of experience, and any other certifications or specialties they may have. You want to find a couples therapist that has expertise in your area.

Look For Balance

Look for a couples therapist who is direct, but not judgmental. Someone who is open-minded and who can let you explore all kinds of alternatives or choices in your life that may not necessarily be part of their own choices. Someone who will challenge you and support you at the same time. Someone who will root for you, but also someone who will help you stretch, take risks, and change. After all, we go to couples therapy often because we want something to change in our relationships.

Lastly, look for expertise, rather than affordability. You might see the couples therapist less often, but you will do a lot more work in the few sessions that you will have with them.

After taking all of this into account, you should be able to make a decision on which couples therapist in Seattle, WA is best for you and your partner.

5. Start Couples Therapy

When couples enter therapy, they're embarking on a journey to explore and resolve the challenges in their romantic relationships. This can be an incredibly powerful experience, but it's important to go into it with realistic expectations.

In general, couples therapy involves both partners working together with a couples therapist to understand and resolve the issues that are causing difficulty in their relationship. During the first session, the couples therapist will likely ask about the history of your relationship and what's been going on lately that led you to seek help. They will also ask about your goals for couples therapy.

It's important to remember that this is a collaborative process and that the couples therapist is not there to judge or blame either partner. They are there to provide support and guidance as you work through your issues. The couples therapist will also encourage both partners to deeply listen to each other and to express themselves honestly.

Know that there is no “perfect” couples therapist out there, but there is one who will be perfect for YOU!

Conclusion

Seeking couples therapy in Seattle, WA can be incredibly daunting but also incredibly rewarding if done correctly. Whether you're looking for couples therapy, couples counseling, relationship therapy, premarital counseling, or marriage counseling, by following these simple steps, you will be able to find the right couples therapist for you and your partner so that you can begin working on growing your relationship stronger than ever before!

Con Carino Therapy - Couples Therapy Seattle, WA

The licensed marriage and family therapists at Con Carino Therapy (couple therapy private practice in Seattle, WA) have a special focus on working with couples that feel their relationships lack trust and intimacy.

If you want to build a stronger foundation of trust and intimacy, we're committed to helping you make that a reality. We will meet you where you are with compassion, kindness, and curiosity, and we will also present perspectives that will challenge you and stretch you. This is an opportunity for growth, and we'd love to be part of your journey!

Final Note

Our marriage counselors and marriage and family therapist associate (LMFTA) in Washington state also offer couples counseling services, online therapy, individual therapy, family therapy, and group therapy to young adults and adult individuals. We look forward to hearing from you soon.